Is anyone else frustrated with the pre-made timelines that all of the wedding magazines and websites are providing? They frustrate me because I see brides using them as a resource and just getting stressed out in the process.

Every couple’s planning timeline and situation are different, so I don’t think it’s appropriate for everyone to use the same timeline. Especially since most timelines are based upon a 12 month period and we know not everyone has a 12 month engagement. I sincerely suggest ditching the pre-made timeline and creating something that suits your situation.

To get you started, here is what is important. First, before you do anything else, create a budget! (yes, the exclamation point is necessary!) With the excitement of engagement comes the immediate need to start planning but without a budget where do you even start? Well, many brides just start planning and claim they have no budget. Even if your budget is a million dollars, you still have a budget. Create one and I promise your planning will be less stressful.

You should of course then choose the date followed by venues for both ceremony and reception. I know that this can be challenging, especially if you have your heart set on specific venues but use your problem solving skills and I know you can work it out.

After the date and venues are chosen you need to hire a photographer. Good photographers book fast and unless you have weekday wedding you don’t have time to wait. Sorry if this stresses you out but it’s true. Now, you have a date set, you’ve chosen venues and you have a photographer…now you can breathe for a few moments.

At this point, you should begin researching other vendors and meeting with those that best suit your style. If you have more than 6 months before your wedding I certainly wouldn’t rush this phase. Take your time and meet with lots of different vendors in each category and find the ones that you like the best and really want to work with. This phase can be time consuming, but in the end the better relationship you have with these people the more enjoyable your wedding will be.

The pre-made timelines touch on things like asking your bridal party to participate, creating a gift registry, finalizing plans for your honeymoon, etc. and while these are all important aspects of your wedding I don’t feel that they need to be part of your timeline. The simpler this “checklist” is for you the better.

I obviously didn’t touch on everything that should be included, like buying your dress, creating a guest list, and choosing linens because you need to do that when you are ready. Face the fact that some things can’t be done a year before your wedding.

P.S. Please leave a comment if you would like to know what timing I suggest for a different aspect of your planning that I haven’t included in this post.

You may not realize this but when you attend an initial consultation you too are being interviewed as much as the vendor you are meeting with. Yep, believe it or not, vendors do turn clients away. Here’s the truth. Vendors obviously want a bride’s business but more importantly we want to work with clients that mesh well with our style and are pleasant to work with. With that said, unfortunately, not all potential clients will be extended a contract.

So, here are some examples of what not to do during an initial consultation that may influence whether or not a vendor extends a contract to you.

At no point during the meeting should you answer your cell phone. It is very awkward to sit there and listen to someone else’s conversation while of course, you are pretending not to listen. 9 times out of 10 it is not an emergency and can probably wait another 20 minutes until the meeting is over. And, if you are wondering, saying “excuse me” doesn’t make this situation okay.

Don’t spend half of the meeting bickering with your mom about wedding plans, especially those that don’t have anything to do with your current meeting. This is also an awkward moment for vendors. Whose side do you take, the bride or the mother’s? And yes, we will be forced to take a side and it isn’t pleasant.

Leave your groom bashing comments at home. Vendors obviously want to contribute to healthy and successful marriages and don’t want to hear that you feel your groom is inadequate to make decisions or that you already have your second wedding planned.

As you can see, the way that you act during your initial consultation can really influence your future relationships with vendors. Read yesterday’s post for how to appropriately act during a consult.

P.S. Some of the above examples were dramatized during the process of writing this post and may not be described exactly as they first occurred.

Brides are typically nervous when they first begin meeting with potential vendors. I don’t completely understand it but it’s true. This should be an enjoyable time in your planning process and I don’t want you to feel anxiety, so here is some advice.

1. Be calm. We understand that planning a wedding is stressful but we want to know that you are organized and can deal with {at least a little} stress. If you are calm the discussion will flow naturally and we will be able to learn much more about your wedding and your expectations.

2. Have a clear vision. Before you attend an initial consultation discuss with your fiance (and maybe family) the level of service you are seeking. It is always uncomfortable when surprises arise in conversation and someone doesn’t know what is going on.

3. Have a budget. For some reason discussing money always seems awkward. I’ve been there, I know. However, this is no excuse not to discuss a budget before meeting with a vendor. We can’t even begin to help you find the best service if we don’t know how much you can spend. By the way, no matter what anyone says no {respectable} vendor is going to charge you more just because you tell us you have a large budget. We will charge you what the service is worth.

That’s it! Pretty simple, huh?

Keep these few tips in mind and I promise you will feel more comfortable when you meet vendors!