Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category

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Invitation Etiquette 101.

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

Some of the most frequent questions my clients ask are in regards to their invitations. Most of the time it is the same questions that every couple has asked before them so I figured I should share them and save everyone some time.

Can I email my invitations? No, in my opinion, under no circumstance is it appropriate to email your wedding invitations. If you are concerned about budget there are plenty of simple, budget friendly options available. If you are concerned with going green, again, there is recycled paper available.

My parents aren’t contributing financially to our wedding, can we still include their names? Of course you can! In most cases your invitation wording can be anything you’d like it to be, even if it includes or omits your parents’ names. Stylist and I chose to simply write “together with our parents” instead of separately listing our parents’ names and that is totally acceptable, too.

Can guests RSVP online? This question is tough to provide a straight-forward answer to. If you are allowing your guests to RSVP online because you think it is easier and more convenient for them, then I say go for it. However, if your 80 year old grandmother is going to be stressed out about using the computer than you can’t expect her to RSVP online. Also, I caution you to make it an all or nothing thing… you can’t have some people mailing in their response and some doing it online, it will cause some type of organizational disaster for you.

How should I handle guests being invited to the reception only? If your are hosting a wedding where not every guest is invited to all wedding-related events I would handle this very carefully. For reception only guests, send them a ceremony invitation and also a card outlining the times of the reception. For guests that are invited to all events send them the same ceremony invitation as the reception only guests and also a dinner and RSVP card. Again, this can be a little tricky so make sure the wording on the reception only card is clear so the guests don’t also show up to the dinner.

Any other invitation questions? I am happy to answer them!

Posted in Advice, Etiquette, Stationery, Traditional Weddings | No Comments »

Too Many Brides in the Chapel.

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

If you are engaged and actively planning your wedding and are yet to notice that everyone has an opinion, consider yourself lucky!

Most of you probably aren’t so lucky, though.

I know it can be frustrating when everyone around you- your family, co-workers and friends- all have an opinion on what you should do for your wedding but it doesn’t need to drive you to insanity. The solution? It’s not to ignore them and hope they will go away, because they won’t. The solution is to gently remind everyone that your wedding is about you and your fiance and the way you want to start your life together. If you are honest with people they will respect that. However, if you ignore them they will continue to try and influence you and will then be angry and hurt when you don’t use their suggestions.

Do yourself and favor and speak your mind.

Posted in Advice, Etiquette | No Comments »

Don’t Assume the Cost of Anything.

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

This statement goes both ways. Don’t assume that a service provided by a wedding professional is really cheap (read: wedding planner) or really expensive (read: wedding planner).

When I chat with brides who didn’t hire at least a wedding day manager they most often say they didn’t have the budget for it. I am the first one to preach the benefits of prioritizing a budget but I sometimes wonder if brides assume they don’t have the budget because they are uneducated on the real cost of services.

Cost of a planner (I use this term very generally because that’s what most people use) of course varies by the local industry, region and their skill level but most planners offer a variety of services at different price points. My point  here is to always inquire about a service that you are interested in instead of immediately ruling it out because it sounds expensive.

I also need to note that if a service isn’t in your price range you need to graciously accept that. Whether you think their service is worth the proposed amount or not, that’s strictly your opinion. It’s also not appropriate to try and negotiate. Ever.

Posted in Advice, Etiquette, Hiring Vendors | No Comments »

Attending a Wedding :: Guest Etiquette.

Friday, September 17th, 2010

Attending a wedding should be viewed as an honor and not necessarily a reason to let your inner party animal out. Sure, I as much as anyone like to have fun at a wedding but there is certainly an appropriate way to do so.

People sometimes forget that guest etiquette and appropriateness begin way before the wedding day. It begins the day you receive your invitation. Many of you may look at that pretty collection of paper and then disregard it for the next 3 weeks. Please, your first duty as a wedding guest is to RSVP as soon as possible. This will save the couple a lot of energy and stress.

Now, on the wedding day you are expected, at all times, to act like the upstanding citizen I know  you are.

This means:

  • Be on time to all wedding-related events.
  • Dress appropriately.
  • Resist the urge to overindulge in alcoholic beverages.
  • Bring a lovely gift for the couple.
  • Participate in wedding-related activities. (Sadly, this sometimes includes The Chicken Dance).
  • Be present in the moment.
  • Be appreciative.
  • Enjoy yourself!

Did I miss anything?

Posted in Advice, Etiquette | No Comments »

Attending a Wedding :: The Art of Gift Giving.

Thursday, September 16th, 2010

Finding the perfect gift for a wedding (or shower or bachelorette party) isn’t always an easy task. You want to buy the couple something they will find useful but you also want to find something that you are excited to gift to them. I have a lot of thoughts about gift giving for weddings so I figure a list is best to get my points across.

Use the registry! As I mentioned earlier this week, this list of items are things that the couple wants or needs and would be happy to receive. As much as you may think the registry is “boring” or “too easy”, it will make the couple happy. Leave the giant purple fondue pot at the store… for another couple who really wants. it.

If you can’t attend the wedding  you should still send a gift! Just because you can’t attend the wedding festivities doesn’t mean it isn’t appropriate to send a gift. Your gift is a sign of generosity and your well wishes for the couple in the future. Bonus: if you want to get technical, even if you are attending the wedding you should send your gift in advance. Think about it, bringing it to the reception is really just inconveniencing the bride and groom.

Don’t spend what you think the meal costs! For real, I laugh out loud every time I think about the fact that people actually believe this. The point of your gift isn’t to “reimburse” the couple for what they spent on you. They invited you because you are important to them and they are excited for you to witness their union. Anyway, when determining what to spend, only you can do that. Consider how close you are to the couple, your current financial situation, and what other money you are spending (accommodations, travel, etc.) and decide on a monetary value you are comfortable with. Remember, this isn’t a competition to see who can spend the most money and find the best gift.

You don’t have a year to send a gift! Again, where does this stuff come from? If for some reason you weren’t able to send a gift in advance you should send one as soon as possible. The longer you wait the more awkward it is for everyone and really, imagine getting a wedding gift 364 days after you wedding day.

Anyone else have tips for stress free gift giving?

Posted in Advice, Etiquette | No Comments »

Attending a Wedding :: What NOT to Wear.

Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

It seems that lately there are more poorly dressed wedding guests in attendance then those fabulously dressed ones and I don’t really understand it. A wedding is a time to dress up and look great but some people either don’t get that or simply can’t put together a great outfit. Here are a few things to stray away from when choosing the perfect wedding guest attire.

White.

Seriously, it kills me to even have to mention this but it doesn’t fail, at every single wedding at least one guest (or even worse, family member) is wearing white. I don’t care how close to “ivory” or “pale yellow” you think the color is, it is not appropriate. Only the Bride can wear any shade remotely close to white.

Bold Colors & Patterns.

I am all for finding a dress with a unique pattern or color but a wedding is not the appropriate time to dress like you are attending a disco.

Jeans.

You wouldn’t wear ripped up distressed jeans to Sunday morning church, so why do some guests think it’s acceptable for a wedding?

Revealing Clothing.

Remember that there will be plenty of family members and possibly kids in attendance at the wedding. It’s not the time to debut your new, low cut, short, shiny red dress. And, if you just can’t resist, bring a sweater!

Anyone else witness some bad wardrobe choices by wedding guests?

Posted in Advice, Etiquette | No Comments »

Attending a Wedding :: Myths about being a guest.

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

I am so excited for this weekend that I can hardly contain myself. What am I doing you ask? I am attending the wedding of two very dear friends in one of my favorite places on Earth, Door County. It is a very rare occasion that I attend  a wedding as a guest, so this week I am going to share with you some things everyone should know about playing the role of guest.

Today I found an interesting article on The Knot regarding wedding guest myths and just I couldn’t resist discussing them with you.

Myth #1: You can’t wear black to a wedding.

I do agree with The Knot in saying that this is certainly false, however, if you are going to wear black to a wedding you really need to rock it… meaning that your little black dress you often wear to the office isn’t going do. You need to find a dress that you can accessorize and pair with a great set of heels. It really needs to appear that you wanted to wear black and it wasn’t just a last resort.

Myth #2: The Bride is your point person for all wedding-related questions.

At first I laughed out loud at this myth because I couldn’t figure out what (smart) wedding guest would ask the bride questions on her wedding day and then I realized they mean before the wedding day. Duh! Anyway, I agree, if you have a question about where the couple is registered, room blocks, etc. try and find a family member or a member of the bridal party that knows the answer before you ask the couple. However, don’t feel rude if you do need to contact them for a question you can’t find the answer, they’ll appreciate your eagerness to be an awesome guest, I am sure.

Myth #3: Shopping from the registry is impersonal.

As much as I myself sometimes hate shopping from the registry, I hardly ever sway. The couple has made your job in finding the perfect gift easy, so just go with it and leave your creativeness for something else.

Myth #4: An invitation means you can bring a date.

I struggled with this issue when I was planning my own wedding. Unless your invitation includes “and guest” on it or your date’s name, it’s not appropriate to bring a guest.  And, ignoring the absence of the phrase “and guest” and bringing a guest anyway is totally tacky and I can guarantee it won’t be overlooked by the couple. I promise that you don’t want to get a phone call from the bride and groom calling you out on this matter, it’s awkward. Again, I know.

Myth #5: The couple is responsible for your accommodations?

I am a little bit speechless, do people really think this?

Come back tomorrow as I discuss what NOT to wear to a wedding!

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Posted in Advice, Etiquette | 2 Comments »

Wedding Planning Q&A | Part 2.

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

This weeks question comes from a reader, Liz.

“Here’s a question I have been stumped on for months…We are having a small intimate ceremony at Villa Terrace (okay, not that small 120 people) but we are inviting another 100 to the reception at Lake Park Bistro. How do I word the invitations to those not “invited” to the ceremony.”

Thank you for the question Liz, invitation wording is something that almost all brides struggle with at some point during their planning.

First off all, to make the invitation process easier on you, I would keep the designs very similar for both invitations. Also, not knowing much about your wedding other than the venues, I would take a more formal approach.

For wording the reception only invitation there are various ways to appropriately invite the guests but I would keep it simple and say something like:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith invite you to an evening reception to celebrate their wedding.

Also, be sure to include the time and address of Lake Park Bistro.

One more thing to consider is timing. If these guests are only invited for a portion of the reception (such as dancing) make sure that you pad a little bit of extra time in your schedule just incase your dinner (assuming you are having one) takes longer than expected. You definitely don’t want the guests that arrive later to show up while your other guests are still seated and eating. It can be a very awkward situation.

If you have a question to be answered leave a comment and I will answer it next week!

Posted in Advice, Etiquette, Planning Question and Answer | 1 Comment »

Don’t Be a No Show!

Monday, February 1st, 2010

As I have mentioned before, I help out at Miss Ruby Boutique every Saturday and I love it! It allows me to witness brides in action and help them in another capacity. Last Saturday however, I was very disappointed in the actions of a few brides. I am not sure why, but when brides appear to be uneducated (in a sense of wedding planning) it always bothers me. Most likely because I feel the main purpose of this blog is to educate brides throughout their planning process and guide them to make good decisions.

Anyway, on Saturday there were 2 no show appointments. To many of you this may seem like a ridiculous reason to be upset and at first I wasn’t but then I started thinking.

Brides were calling all day long hoping to get a last minute appointment for that day. Unfortunately, we were completely booked and I had to turn them away. But, really if the brides who didn’t show up for their appointment had canceled I probably could have accommodated some of those other brides.

My point here is that everyone’s time is important and if for some reason you can’t attend a meeting or appointment just let us know. We will be happy to reschedule and accommodate you in any way that we can.

Still aren’t convinced it’s important to cancel? Think of it like this. By canceling your appointment or meeting you are opening up an opportunity for another bride. Maybe you are making her planning less stressful, allowing her an opportunity to hire a vendor before her date is booked, or just allowing her to do a little more planning that day. For whatever reason, remember that you are helping her.

Please, please, please, cancel the appointments you can’t attend. It will make me feel so much better.

Posted in Advice, Etiquette, Hiring Vendors | No Comments »

A Note on Negotiating.

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

This post is very straight forward and completely my personal opinion. If you don’t wish to know how about I feel about price negotiating, come back tomorrow for The City’s Best premiere.

An email from a vendor in the local wedding industry sparked my thoughts regarding the act of negotiating prices during your planning process.

Many brides are planning a wedding on a budget and I totally respect (and suggest) that. However, constantly asking for a discount is inappropriate. You may not realize this, but when you ask for a discount you are decreasing the value of the service that a vendor is offering and you are flat out suggesting that their service isn’t worth the money. The conversation can become awkward and also puts the vendor in an odd position. You are asking them to quickly decide between cheapening their value and making a sale or standing behind the quality of their service.

Now, since many vendors do offer an off-season or a non-Saturday discount, there is a proper way to discuss the matter. Simply ask the vendor for their different pricing structures and you can do the math yourself. If you do happen to find a vendor that does offer a discount don’t continue to try and talk them down. It’s just rude.

So, the next time you are considering approaching the topic of a discount, keep in mind the proper way to do so and remember that it may lead to an awkward conversation.

Posted in Advice, Etiquette, Hiring Vendors | 4 Comments »

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